Feeling far from God #2

Dipping back into the Discernment of Spirits...

Rule 10 of the spiritual exercises says that when experiencing spiritual consolation you should buckle up for upcoming desolation. Ok- 1st thing: what's the difference between consolation and desolation? Well, to make it really simple, consolation is like heaven on earth and desolation is, well, the opposite. Of course, this pertains not to how things are at work, at home, in the stock market, with your favorite sports team...but to your spiritual life and your relationship with God. Sometimes we can feel like St. Peter, like we are walking on water. Then, all of a sudden, it can feel like God does not even exist, like he totally fled the scene and is nowhere to be found. What often happens is that we then live accordingly, either as if God did or did not exist. Which means how we live fluctuates like crazy. Good or bad, in light or shadows, before the Almighty or as if I am the almighty.

St. Ignatius says in this rule that when I am experiencing spiritual consolation- i.e. when I believe in God and it feels good and I am happy and loving rather than sinning- I should not just sit back and enjoy. Yes, enjoy it, but without the "sitting back" part. I ought to be preparing myself mentally, aware of the fact that this spiritual high is not going to last forever. On the contrary, a spiritual low is coming. For sure. And there will be a high again after that, but in the meantime I need to get ready for the time of trial. What does that mean? It means that even when it feels like hell on earth, I will live as though God exists and I will strive to love him. 

Feeling far from God?

So here's a little something something from the 8th rule of St. Ignatius for the discernment of spirits...

Sometimes it feels like we are far from God, or God is far from me. I don't think that I have done anything wrong yet it feels like God has jumped ship, fled the scene, hung me out to dry. What happens? The thoughts start to come...this is going to last forever...there is no end in sight...I can't stand this- why is this happening?...I am going to watch a movie, listen to music, go...anywhere! Whatever it takes (besides prayer, of course) to feel better and get through this.

Devil alert! The enemy of my soul is present when those are the thoughts that I am thinking, repeating, believing...hook, line, and sinker. In rule 8 of his rules of discernment, St. Ignatius says that we should think positively. God does not abandon us but does allow for moments of trial. I should think that God is about to end this spell of desolation and trial. He is about to draw near once more. The previous lights and graces that I enjoyed are soon to return!

The other option is thinking negatively. Thinking that this period of spiritual darkness will last forever is what can make the time of difficulty actually unbearable. I remember a powerful seen in Lincoln when the president is speaking with his wife, Mary. She is imploring him not to let their son enter the army because she does not want to endure again that pain and suffering that she continued to carry after the loss of their first son. President Lincoln speaks strongly to her of his own suffering, of the grief that has overwhelmed him almost to the point of being unable to carry out his duties. He concludes by telling his wife that she alone will determine whether or not the agony will indeed be unendurable.

Jesus said in Matthew 6:26:
"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

Don't drift!

Rule of discernment #1

In this rule St. Ignatius talks about what happens when I am drifting in my relationship with God. What happens? As can happen in any relationship, there is a lack of delicacy, negligence of details, little interest. So what does the devil do? Well, he is, of course, ecstatic that I am not growing in holiness. So he says, "you're doing great," while the Holy Spirit says, "wake up!"

The devil wants to be a catalyst in aiding our growing further from the Lord. Pretty obvious, right? So what does he do? St. Ignatius says in the rule that "the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins." He is trying to attract us to that which leads us away from God. This could be something as simple as something I like which prevents me from getting to Sunday Mass.

In this stage of the game, says St. Ignatius, the "good spirit uses a contrary method, stinging and biting their consciences through their rational power of moral judgment." We have all experienced that, right? It's so easy, too, to try reasoning my way out of it. But something has to change and so the Holy Spirit employs this methodology.

But this all changes when I change direction.

Spiritual Football

Have you ever wondered whether or not something you wanted to do is coming from God? I am currently reading a book by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV called "The Discernment of Spirits." He discusses the rules of discernment of St. Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits

One of the first ideas that grabbed my attention was this: I need to identify what's happening in my relationship with God. In this regard I can have one of two fundamental directions: towards God or away from God. Is our relationship developing positively or are we drifting apart? Confronting this question is fundamental because both the Holy Spirit and the devil apply different strategies depending on me and my life. It's like in football: when the quarterback gets to the line of scrimmage, he may have to change the play based on the look that the defense is giving him. Similarly, there are two "teams" battling for our hearts and they apply their strategies depending on how I am living.